Tag: happy

Please

You think you could hurt me?
Well you didn’t, I swear 
I didn’t spend nights crying
Prying
Myself to pieces
Like, why didn’t you care?

You think you can break me?
I call this character building
Blocks like Lego 
Who I am
Kick it down
Ive got a new diagram
I rebuild myself better each time

You think you can love me?
Try harder

Please
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Love

Loving people is scary
I love to much 
And I love to many

Loving people hurts alot 
Like letting go 
of all the rot

Bandages don’t hurt to put on
But they hurt to pull off
So I just let my wounds bleed and scab
And I pick them till their numb

I pull out my own hair 
So that I don’t twist it thinking of them
I scratch my own back
So I don’t need to ask for help

But I can’t eat my own pussy

Don’t write

I tell myself not to write
Because I five too deep
But then, I fall
Into a world to easy to keep

Of tinder dates that fall in love or to never been seen again
Of short 6 second videos that teach me nothing or bring up pain

I tell myself not the start writing because I’ll be depressed again.

But how bad can life be
Sat here listening to quiet tv
And chatter
In one room and quiet resource
Evelyn Stein in this room
Quiet 

With the sound of rain falling into the deck
And the song has now changed 

to the Hymn of the sea by James Korner

And now I feel like although I don’t believe in god,
maybe a Spotify one exists.

He knows who I am better than you do
She knows what I need more that you do
They know more about me than you could ever do.

Because I am nothing but my habits,
I am nothing but my thoughts and my soul,
I am nothing but todays playlist,
I am nothing but todays goal.

dried up paint

Scraping dried up paint from under my fingernails
With a 2H
Writing shit with too many details
Its getting late

Lying down by my book
Kept company by my pencils
And my phone
But its only decoration right now

I love it when an addiction is just decor
I could be using it but I wouldn’t know what for
To pick you up
To start to scroll
But I don’t
To want to drink
A glass of wine
But I wont

To smoke a cigarette, to think about you...
But I do


I love it when I write
Because nothing really means anything
Apart from one word at a time
And everyone thinks it does
That theres a theme or a deeper meaning
That I thought about before I finished it
I didn’t
There isn’t
Its just me talking in my head
If my brain could talk
Its just the shit it woulda said
I find meaning in my writing 
But I don’t write with meaning
I write with a pencil
And dried up paint

Fingertips

Fingertips on skin

Like faulty wires

Electric sparks

But beware for flammable items

For they can clearly catch alight

But sometimes they dont look flammable

And we mistake objectifying for dirty talk

Mistaking possessiveness for lust

And controlling for in love

Like a pool of gasoline

The wire is engulfed in flames

Not possible to escape with out burns

Burns on your heart

So the next connection you make

You may be the one to break

But I hope you atleast learnt to keep yourself safe

And keep the flammables away

Taylor

A poem about toxic relationships, how the magic that love, caring, and sex has is wonderful but with bad people (flammable people) it becomes overwhelming and toxic.

memories

There are too many memories

I cannot remember

And I don’t understand how I can ever understand myself

If even I don’t know my own life

I’m supposed to put together this jigsaw

But I’m missing all of these pieces

How do you expect me to know my own mind?

I know where the gaps are

I just don’t know how to fill them

Taylor

sailor

Drowning in the sea

As I see how far you have gotten

I watch you sail into the sunset

You may come across another storm

But for now you are safe and warm

You may have a few scratches and leaks

But my god do you look beautiful

As you rock side to side

Stably over the waves

Stably

Taylor

Drowning in the sea is a metaphor for crying so much as I see a dear friend be in a better condition and place in their life. The strength they must have had amazes me, and moves me. Heres to you, and everyone else that overcomes their life difficulties. There will always be another storm, but you did well sailing through this one 🙂 xx

Living

Everyone is smiling, feeling great

There is hair filling up the small amounts of space

Bodies crashing into other bodies

Sweat transferring like fingerprints and falling like rain

And our voices, screams, shake the walls

This is what it feels like to live

and not just be alive.

But our bodies will feel heavy, but we will remember how they were light

Our ears will ring, but we will remember the music

Our heads will hurt, and we might not remember

all the faces

all the places

or everything we did

But we were there.

And we were living.

Taylor

My friend, Erin, told me to write about our night out, so I did. It really pushed me out of my comfort zone in terms of writing, as it tends to be quite dark or twisted, but I enjoy this poem and the memories it brings