dried up paint

Scraping dried up paint from under my fingernails
With a 2H
Writing shit with too many details
Its getting late

Lying down by my book
Kept company by my pencils
And my phone
But its only decoration right now

I love it when an addiction is just decor
I could be using it but I wouldn’t know what for
To pick you up
To start to scroll
But I don’t
To want to drink
A glass of wine
But I wont

To smoke a cigarette, to think about you...
But I do


I love it when I write
Because nothing really means anything
Apart from one word at a time
And everyone thinks it does
That theres a theme or a deeper meaning
That I thought about before I finished it
I didn’t
There isn’t
Its just me talking in my head
If my brain could talk
Its just the shit it woulda said
I find meaning in my writing 
But I don’t write with meaning
I write with a pencil
And dried up paint

oh

Her feet sway slightly
Lifeless
All the blood goes there to die
Her knees are getting bluer
Her skin begins to cry

She used to be so mighty
Now lifeless her legs lie

But her mind is spinning circles
Her eyes as blue as the sky
Watch out onto the open
She still holds her head high

She sits upon the window sill
Pins and needles moving up into her thigh
And she thinks to herself
Ive been sat here for a while

Keep on telling myself

You love to hard
Not hard enough
No one will like you
You act too tough
Open your doors
But only a crack
If not they will swing
All the way back
And no ones ready for your demons
No ones ready for the truth
So just smile and tell a lie
There’s too many people to lose
Not ready to say goodbye
Taylor

Lifeless

I wasn’t ready for you
Like a bird that can’t yet fly
How could I teach you to
Lifeless
Drained of all my strength
Drained of life
Lifeless
Is how I was left
But I’m back
And I’m teaching myself how to fly
So one day you will too
And I’ll be soaring through the skies
Before I ever get to meet you
Because I need to go through the worst
To teach you to navigate a storm
And feel the best
So that you can always feel my warmth
But today was not the time
As I have yet to build a nest
But one day I hope I will feel your life against my chest
Taylor Hopewell

Burnt and drowning

Sunkisses can turn to burns
Water glissens can cause concerns
because too much and your drowning
wet and hot and burnt
But isnt pain and pleasure to die for
so many lessons to learn
Taylor

Fall or fly

And I fall sometimes

I fall
Or am I just flying
It feels like Im dying
Yet weightless
Every problem off my shoulder
Am I gliding? Surviving?
Or will I hit the ground in a crash
I never know how far down I’ll go
Before my wings open up again
But Im scared that one day they wont
Taylor

Healing

My nails are growing again
Im not happy yet
But Ive lost the habit of tearing myself apart because of it
My body is healing
It wont be the same
But Ive started to love the history it has and holds
Im growing, slowly, up towards the sun
Lets hope a drought is not going to come
Because for now
Look at me
Taylor

See the future

I can see the future
But I looked into the crystal ball
and…
Crack.
It fills itself
Black.
I could see the future,
Until I tried
To see mine
Taylor

Dear 2020

Dear 2020, please by kind
I don’t want to get left behind
again.
I’m scared of falling all the way back down,
Ive climbed so far up,
but I’m loosing my grasp.
The rock between my fingers is crumbling fast.
And I’m scared
of ending up tangled in vines,
tubes running into my skin.
I’m scared of going,
where I’ve already been.
Taylor

I think its quite easy to understand what this means, as its just me wishing that 2020 will be a good year for me, and fearing that it wont