Don’t write

I tell myself not to write
Because I five too deep
But then, I fall
Into a world to easy to keep

Of tinder dates that fall in love or to never been seen again
Of short 6 second videos that teach me nothing or bring up pain

I tell myself not the start writing because I’ll be depressed again.

But how bad can life be
Sat here listening to quiet tv
And chatter
In one room and quiet resource
Evelyn Stein in this room
Quiet

With the sound of rain falling into the deck
And the song has now changed

to the Hymn of the sea by James Korner

And now I feel like although I don’t believe in god,
maybe a Spotify one exists.

He knows who I am better than you do
She knows what I need more that you do
They know more about me than you could ever do.

Because I am nothing but my habits,
I am nothing but my thoughts and my soul,
I am nothing but todays playlist,
I am nothing but todays goal.
My plans are already made
How I wish I could just fade
Into bed with you at night

But sleeping next to you is too hard
Hard for me to want to sleep
When you’re right next to me
Because there aren’t enough minutes in a day
To look at you
To listen
To hold

But waking up to you is too promising
Promises of a good day
Or a shit day
But a shit day with you…
is a good one
Because atleast I can
Look at you
Listen
Hold

So I won’t sleep alone instead
I’ll have great and shit days alone

Ill be dreaming through it all

dried up paint

Scraping dried up paint from under my fingernails
With a 2H
Writing shit with too many details
Its getting late

Lying down by my book
Kept company by my pencils
And my phone
But its only decoration right now

I love it when an addiction is just decor
I could be using it but I wouldn’t know what for
To pick you up
To start to scroll
But I don’t
To want to drink
A glass of wine
But I wont

To smoke a cigarette, to think about you...
But I do


I love it when I write
Because nothing really means anything
Apart from one word at a time
And everyone thinks it does
That theres a theme or a deeper meaning
That I thought about before I finished it
I didn’t
There isn’t
Its just me talking in my head
If my brain could talk
Its just the shit it woulda said
I find meaning in my writing
But I don’t write with meaning
I write with a pencil
And dried up paint

Boy bye

Sorry I’m not good enough 
What you wanted me to be
Sorry I’m not good enough
But you’re not good enough for me
You try to perfect my flaws
But I love my imperfections
You try to bring me down
But let me teach you a lesson

See, I know I’m not perfect
And know ill never be
But I need someone to love how I am
So I can be the best me
But see
I cant make you love me
No matter how hard I try
So I’m giving you up
Sorry, boy, bye.

oh

Her feet sway slightly
Lifeless
All the blood goes there to die
Her knees are getting bluer
Her skin begins to cry

She used to be so mighty
Now lifeless her legs lie

But her mind is spinning circles
Her eyes as blue as the sky
Watch out onto the open
She still holds her head high

She sits upon the window sill
Pins and needles moving up into her thigh
And she thinks to herself
Ive been sat here for a while