trigger

I sometimes loose control of my body

My hands smack into my head repeatedly

My eyes water with no end

My heart rushes and bangs through my chest

This can be caused when I have strong feelings that my brain can’t process.

I wanted to sleep for hours and I couldn’t

I wanted to feel cared for and I didn’t

I wanted to be respected and I wasn’t

So my body shut down, everything went to the beat of my heart

My hands came up, and my knuckles got bruised, and my scalp got cut, and my head wanted to lose.

I woke up the next day and saw the torn up sheet from all my shaking

I woke up and felt my hands aching

I woke up and my heart hadn’t yet stopped

The worst part is, is that normally I trigger this, with dark thoughts or loss of hope

But this time it was people, who I loved or thought I did

And so my world has crashed, and behind the pretty paintings I now see all the ash

So this is the time for me, and new beginnings, and people who I admire and look up to, not people who held knifes behind each others back.

Im not being used or abused or taken for granted

I’ll do some yoga and reflect, and not give any more chances.

love/pain

I wasn’t made for loving

Just for a bit of fun

I wont ask for your support

because that would just be dumb

Because I’m not worth the pain to love

My love isn’t worth the pain

you’ll be put through

Lets just leave it at friends

Because you can’t deal with my brain

Its missing a screw…

or two.

Taylor

the spring

I wanted you near,

so I pushed you away.

I’m sorry for making you fear

our love fading away.

But I’m just trying to get you to spring back to me,

come closer than we’ve ever been…

Taylor

I always say that with me, I distance myself at times because I believe we are connected almost like a spring, and you have to lose something to know how much you need it. So I distance myself, and then watch as once you let go of the spring it pulls and contracts even more, and we will be closer for a certain amount of time.