Love myself

I can’t love someone else

I’m not ready

Saw something saying otherwise

Saying that you learn to love yourself through others loving you

No

Others love me and I just don’t

Others see this beauty somewhere in me

That I just can’t find

And I am trying everyday

But I just can’t understand how the thought of me can make someone smile

Or how my presence could be wanted

I don’t understand it

I don’t understand how I have been the one to break peoples hearts

I do understand

Its because I can’t love them

But they can love me

Something that I can’t do either

Taylor

my purpose

And I will drown myself in water

Because they have taken away the pills

And the alcohol

I will pour everything I can down the sink

Because my blood no longer flows from my skin

They took away the blades

But they didn’t take away the pain within

I will deafen myself with music because I no longer want to scream

Because screaming is a cry for help and I don’t want it

I don’t want to get better because this is what I know

I don’t want to change because I’ve never been a better writer than right now

But even now I’m still shit

And I don’t know how else to deal with pain

Of the lack of it

I know I should feel upset but all I feel is inspiration

I know I should be angry, but all I see is words

And all I hear is words

That might not rhyme

But my god do they sound good to me

So I’m sorry for what I’ve caused or what feelings this ignites within you

But maybe that’s my purpose

And I’m really looking for things to keep me alive

So if that’s the one

Then I’ll take what I can get

Taylor

I wrote this mid break-down (if you couldn’t tell) and its although quite sad, its powerful, its me saying that I have this reason to live, however silly it may be, and times might be rough but I will hold on to it.

are you okay?

I’m sick of being asked how I am in social situations

or casual conversations.

I’m not going to lightly tell you how I was awake until dawn,

in fact I actually haven’t slept,

or how many pills I stole and have kept.

I’m not going to ‘chat’ about the new cuts that you can’t see,

or how I downed the vodka just so I can breathe.

I’m sick of smiling all day

and also of always saying that I’m okay.

I’m sick of life and I’m sick of crying

and trying.

Taylor