Healing

My nails are growing again

Im not happy yet

But Ive lost the habit of tearing myself apart because of it

My body is healing

It wont be the same

But Ive started to love the history it has and holds

Im growing, slowly, up towards the sun

Lets hope a drought is not going to come

Because for now

Look at me

Taylor

Bonfire recipe (full version)

I tried to put all the pieces together

But they didn’t quite fit

Tried using duct tape and glue

Kept hammering nails into it

But all it did was damage the wood

Over and over again

And… I wish I could say they gave me the wrong tools

Or they gave me the wrong set and pieces

But somehow I just feel like it’s my fault

I’m just not the carpenter I thought I could be

So I’m sitting here in the rubble of disappointment

And wondering why I was never good enough to build it

And there is no more space for nails and bolts

And I have run out of duct tape

And I’ve got no more money or strength to go out and buy more

So I’m sitting here…

Burning thoughts in the flames

And pretending that I was constructing a bonfire all along

Because I was

Taylor

wind

I reach out but when I open my hands are empty

All I can do is watch

and cry

as I feel it leave me

It almost looks like a bubble

or a fairy

and I felt it leave my fingertips

getting pushed by a wind

that isn’t there

An unseen, unheard, unfelt wind

It drifts further and further

and all I can do is watch

and wait

for it to come back

Taylor

With every positive mindset I know it will be temporary, and when it leaves, it is as if I see it, its a moment of realization where I witness it float away from me and there is nothing i can do about it

Pain

The scars on my wrists

remind me of this

intense feeling of pain.

Not the blood rushing out

nor the blade of my skin.

But the darkness,

the pain,

the pain within.

Taylor

As someone who still carries scars from their past, they are a reminder of where I was, compared to where I am now. They show me the darkness and pain that I felt, and although sad to have to carry it with me, its a positive reminder of where I came from, and where I don’t want to go again.