I don’t even know what to think

Out of sight out of mind

Close the door out of line

Why did you say that

What the fuck that’s not nice

That’s not the way u treat guys

That’s a good joke

You’re joking right

Hahahaha wait is it a joke

Or was it what I just said

Am I wrong or is this in my head

I can’t take in all the things

What have I just read?

My thoughts as I go to bed

Just writting about how I feel

When a situation feels unreal

Is it what I felt or what I feel

Do I know this is my own skin

Or does it just feel like a different body I’m living in

Is it the drugs, the weed, the alcohol

That’s making me feel like I’m out of it all

Out of my mind

Im going insane

Feeling like a fucking video game

Feeling like I’ve got to control

Every little inch

Whack a mole

Whack me out

of this skitz life

Im thinking about

You can’t ask a broken person

To believe your words with no actions

With contrary reactions

With promises unkept

You can’t ask me to believe that you love me

When what I want is just hug me

All I need is a friend

I can’t feel loved if you leave me

I can’t feel loved if you don’t care

I want to feel like you need me

But you only try to get me out your hair

Taylor Hopewell

Lifeless

I wasn’t ready for you

Like a bird that can’t yet fly

How could I teach you to

Lifeless

Drained of all my strength

Drained of life

Lifeless

Is how I was left

But I’m back

And I’m teaching myself how to fly

So one day you will too

And I’ll be soaring through the skies

Before I ever get to meet you

Because I need to go through the worst

To teach you to navigate a storm

And feel the best

So that you can always feel my warmth

But today was not the time

As I have yet to build a nest

But one day I hope I will feel your life against my chest

Taylor Hopewell

Evolve

Evolution kicks in when everything is nearly extinct

and dies

I’ve died so many times

Too many failed tries

Was I dying, or just trying

to change my life

Because it did, and I grew stronger and kinder and weaker where I need

And I learnt so many lessons I am now able to teach

I came so far, places I never thought I’d reach

I don’t think I really wanted it to end

I just wanted it to all be different

and different… it is

Taylor

With many failed attempts behind me, I still struggle everyday and night, but I know how much I have not only helped myself but others. I am proud of having the courage to share my past, because I’m making a change in the future. Who knows if I can save myself, or someone else, but I will live everyday as a support for people who need it, giving out the advice I cant always give to myself. I hope my story doesn’t end soon, because darkness is beautiful and strong.

tears

She has a sparkle in her eyes

Her cheeks rosy and glistening

She has full pink lips singing the words to their song

Screaming their favourite part

Black running down her face

Scratches on her head

Her heart aches

But it aches for him

Taylor

Wish I could say this depicted me, but it doesn’t. That is why this is nearly completely about images, and colours instead of feelings. Maybe one day I could write this from a personal emotional perspective but I would have to go through it to write about it

Healing

My nails are growing again

Im not happy yet

But Ive lost the habit of tearing myself apart because of it

My body is healing

It wont be the same

But Ive started to love the history it has and holds

Im growing, slowly, up towards the sun

Lets hope a drought is not going to come

Because for now

Look at me

Taylor

Bonfire recipe (full version)

I tried to put all the pieces together

But they didn’t quite fit

Tried using duct tape and glue

Kept hammering nails into it

But all it did was damage the wood

Over and over again

And… I wish I could say they gave me the wrong tools

Or they gave me the wrong set and pieces

But somehow I just feel like it’s my fault

I’m just not the carpenter I thought I could be

So I’m sitting here in the rubble of disappointment

And wondering why I was never good enough to build it

And there is no more space for nails and bolts

And I have run out of duct tape

And I’ve got no more money or strength to go out and buy more

So I’m sitting here…

Burning thoughts in the flames

And pretending that I was constructing a bonfire all along

Because I was

Taylor