Will we always see
the same sky
at night?
If we’re far away
could it change?
It might
But I’m glad
that we saw
the same moon
tonight
Wasn’t it beautiful!
Half round, so very bright
Wasn’t it lovely
To be sharing the same sight
Tag: depression
dried up paint
Scraping dried up paint from under my fingernails
With a 2H
Writing shit with too many details
Its getting late
Lying down by my book
Kept company by my pencils
And my phone
But its only decoration right now
I love it when an addiction is just decor
I could be using it but I wouldn’t know what for
To pick you up
To start to scroll
But I don’t
To want to drink
A glass of wine
But I wont
To smoke a cigarette, to think about you...
But I do
I love it when I write
Because nothing really means anything
Apart from one word at a time
And everyone thinks it does
That theres a theme or a deeper meaning
That I thought about before I finished it
I didn’t
There isn’t
Its just me talking in my head
If my brain could talk
Its just the shit it woulda said
I find meaning in my writing
But I don’t write with meaning
I write with a pencil
And dried up paint
trigger
I sometimes loose control of my body
My hands smack into my head repeatedly
My eyes water with no end
My heart rushes and bangs through my chest
This can be caused when I have strong feelings that my brain can’t process.
I wanted to sleep for hours and I couldn’t
I wanted to feel cared for and I didn’t
I wanted to be respected and I wasn’t
So my body shut down, everything went to the beat of my heart
My hands came up, and my knuckles got bruised, and my scalp got cut, and my head wanted to lose.
I woke up the next day and saw the torn up sheet from all my shaking
I woke up and felt my hands aching
I woke up and my heart hadn’t yet stopped
The worst part is, is that normally I trigger this, with dark thoughts or loss of hope
But this time it was people, who I loved or thought I did
And so my world has crashed, and behind the pretty paintings I now see all the ash
So this is the time for me, and new beginnings, and people who I admire and look up to, not people who held knifes behind each others back.
Im not being used or abused or taken for granted
I’ll do some yoga and reflect, and not give any more chances.
Keep on telling myself
You love to hard
Not hard enough
No one will like you
You act too tough
Open your doors
But only a crack
If not they will swing
All the way back
And no ones ready for your demons
No ones ready for the truth
So just smile and tell a lie
There’s too many people to lose
Not ready to say goodbye
Taylor
You can’t ask a broken person
To believe your words with no actions
With contrary reactions
With promises unkept
You can’t ask me to believe that you love me
When what I want is just hug me
All I need is a friend
I can’t feel loved if you leave me
I can’t feel loved if you don’t care
I want to feel like you need me
But you only try to get me out your hair
Taylor Hopewell
Lifeless
I wasn’t ready for you
Like a bird that can’t yet fly
How could I teach you to
Lifeless
Drained of all my strength
Drained of life
Lifeless
Is how I was left
But I’m back
And I’m teaching myself how to fly
So one day you will too
And I’ll be soaring through the skies
Before I ever get to meet you
Because I need to go through the worst
To teach you to navigate a storm
And feel the best
So that you can always feel my warmth
But today was not the time
As I have yet to build a nest
But one day I hope I will feel your life against my chest
Taylor Hopewell
machine me
My scars don’t define me
They are merely scratches on the surface of this body
This body that I hold
I am my body and my past, but it is not me
That’s how I gain my confidence
By knowing I am so much more than my physical
I’m actually not what’s visible at all
I am a mind, and a soul, that can’t be seen only felt
Can not be explained only experienced
I love the body that contains me
Even tho it has been harmed
I love the bones that keep me upright
Structures and alarmed,
with triggers and buttons that only I know best
But I am missing one button that allows me to rest
I know the procedure, but don’t have the code
My body is a machine, that I must decipher
If I want to be released from this world
I must try to figure out combinations and patterns and passwords
To fully experience myself, I must understand the key
To unlocking to door, to set me free
My body is mine, but it is not me
The world is a place that I can’t quite see
Can’t see past the glass windows mistaken for eyes
or feel past the sensors thought to be skin
or the control centre…my mind
Taylor
Burnt and drowning
Sunkisses can turn to burns
Water glissens can cause concerns
because too much and your drowning
wet and hot and burnt
But isnt pain and pleasure to die for
so many lessons to learn
Taylor
I was young
I was young and dumb
it started by carving my hand
with the nail on my thumb
But then I started etching my doodles
into my skin
Before I knew what self-harm was
I had no way of stopping it
It started as art
then became a control
Controlling depression
Trying to lessen
Never learning the lesson
On how else do I deal with all this shit unless I can show it
You need battle scars to prove your battle
So I make them
And I use them as a diary
I can trace each one back to a day or an episode
I can remember how shit I felt
And I can see that I have no fresh ones
Theres a lot of bare skin
So there must be something coming
There must be something on its way
But it’s been so long now
And nothings changed
Have I left it all behind?
Or will I fall again
Fingertips
Fingertips on skin
Like faulty wires
Electric sparks
But beware for flammable items
For they can clearly catch alight
But sometimes they dont look flammable
And we mistake objectifying for dirty talk
Mistaking possessiveness for lust
And controlling for in love
Like a pool of gasoline
The wire is engulfed in flames
Not possible to escape with out burns
Burns on your heart
So the next connection you make
You may be the one to break
But I hope you atleast learnt to keep yourself safe
And keep the flammables away
Taylor
A poem about toxic relationships, how the magic that love, caring, and sex has is wonderful but with bad people (flammable people) it becomes overwhelming and toxic.