oh

Her feet sway slightly
Lifeless
All the blood goes there to die
Her knees are getting bluer
Her skin begins to cry

She used to be so mighty
Now lifeless her legs lie

But her mind is spinning circles
Her eyes as blue as the sky
Watch out onto the open
She still holds her head high

She sits upon the window sill
Pins and needles moving up into her thigh
And she thinks to herself
Ive been sat here for a while

Dried out flowers

The dried out flowers
hanging from a string
are still upside down.

The synthetic string somehow still
holds on to the less than before
Volume
Less than before 
Life
More than before beauty

Why are you more beautiful dead to me?
Why do I like the look of the fact that no matter how much I water you, you will never grow again.
No matter how much water you drink you cant ever regain a plump stem.

The beauty in death by preservation
give me some more wrinkles
let me lose some petals
let me live while I shrivel
let me die beautifully 

Die by your bed

trigger

I sometimes loose control of my body

My hands smack into my head repeatedly

My eyes water with no end

My heart rushes and bangs through my chest

This can be caused when I have strong feelings that my brain can’t process.

I wanted to sleep for hours and I couldn’t

I wanted to feel cared for and I didn’t

I wanted to be respected and I wasn’t

So my body shut down, everything went to the beat of my heart

My hands came up, and my knuckles got bruised, and my scalp got cut, and my head wanted to lose.

I woke up the next day and saw the torn up sheet from all my shaking

I woke up and felt my hands aching

I woke up and my heart hadn’t yet stopped

The worst part is, is that normally I trigger this, with dark thoughts or loss of hope

But this time it was people, who I loved or thought I did

And so my world has crashed, and behind the pretty paintings I now see all the ash

So this is the time for me, and new beginnings, and people who I admire and look up to, not people who held knifes behind each others back.

Im not being used or abused or taken for granted

I’ll do some yoga and reflect, and not give any more chances.

A woman

I’m a broken woman
Contradictory
Strong yet broken
So much to give but not able to
My mouth is shut by my own hands
I was never pinned down
But always told not to speak up
To sit straight, with my legs crossed
Because who knows who would peer up

Woman

As a woman

Ive started to notice sexism in my social life. If I’m seen giving orders it’s “micromanaging” “okay mum” “controlling” where as if a man does these things he is listened to, its “teaching” or “helping”.

I allowed myself to be held by men in a way that made me feel uncomfortable but “was just friendly”, talked to and about hyper sexually as an object to be seen and touched.

As a woman I am starting to be scared at how much I can see is based on nothing but my gender, no matter how much I know about an area, there will always be a dumber, more stupid man being listened to by many more.

When I use my sexuality to my advantage, as a way to make money, and to gain confidence. It’s seen as easy, a waste.

I don’t even know what to think

Out of sight out of mind
Close the door out of line
Why did you say that
What the fuck that’s not nice
That’s not the way u treat guys
That’s a good joke
You’re joking right
Hahahaha wait is it a joke
Or was it what I just said
Am I wrong or is this in my head
I can’t take in all the things
What have I just read?
My thoughts as I go to bed
Just writting about how I feel
When a situation feels unreal
Is it what I felt or what I feel
Do I know this is my own skin
Or does it just feel like a different body I’m living in
Is it the drugs, the weed, the alcohol
That’s making me feel like I’m out of it all
Out of my mind
Im going insane
Feeling like a fucking video game
Feeling like I’ve got to control
Every little inch
Whack a mole
Whack me out
of this skitz life
Im thinking about

Keep on telling myself

You love to hard
Not hard enough
No one will like you
You act too tough
Open your doors
But only a crack
If not they will swing
All the way back
And no ones ready for your demons
No ones ready for the truth
So just smile and tell a lie
There’s too many people to lose
Not ready to say goodbye
Taylor

You can’t ask a broken person
To believe your words with no actions
With contrary reactions
With promises unkept
You can’t ask me to believe that you love me
When what I want is just hug me
All I need is a friend
I can’t feel loved if you leave me
I can’t feel loved if you don’t care
I want to feel like you need me
But you only try to get me out your hair
Taylor Hopewell

Fall

I thought my feet were placed firmly
Never again would I fall
Would I trip over a smile
Or tumble over your eyes
But I do, every day now
And I can’t tell what’s more stupid
The fact that I fell, or that I’m still falling

Lifeless

I wasn’t ready for you
Like a bird that can’t yet fly
How could I teach you to
Lifeless
Drained of all my strength
Drained of life
Lifeless
Is how I was left
But I’m back
And I’m teaching myself how to fly
So one day you will too
And I’ll be soaring through the skies
Before I ever get to meet you
Because I need to go through the worst
To teach you to navigate a storm
And feel the best
So that you can always feel my warmth
But today was not the time
As I have yet to build a nest
But one day I hope I will feel your life against my chest
Taylor Hopewell