trigger

I sometimes loose control of my body

My hands smack into my head repeatedly

My eyes water with no end

My heart rushes and bangs through my chest

This can be caused when I have strong feelings that my brain can’t process.

I wanted to sleep for hours and I couldn’t

I wanted to feel cared for and I didn’t

I wanted to be respected and I wasn’t

So my body shut down, everything went to the beat of my heart

My hands came up, and my knuckles got bruised, and my scalp got cut, and my head wanted to lose.

I woke up the next day and saw the torn up sheet from all my shaking

I woke up and felt my hands aching

I woke up and my heart hadn’t yet stopped

The worst part is, is that normally I trigger this, with dark thoughts or loss of hope

But this time it was people, who I loved or thought I did

And so my world has crashed, and behind the pretty paintings I now see all the ash

So this is the time for me, and new beginnings, and people who I admire and look up to, not people who held knifes behind each others back.

Im not being used or abused or taken for granted

I’ll do some yoga and reflect, and not give any more chances.

Dear 2020

Dear 2020, please by kind

I don’t want to get left behind

again.

I’m scared of falling all the way back down,

Ive climbed so far up,

but I’m loosing my grasp.

The rock between my fingers is crumbling fast.

And I’m scared

of ending up tangled in vines,

tubes running into my skin.

I’m scared of going,

where I’ve already been.

Taylor

I think its quite easy to understand what this means, as its just me wishing that 2020 will be a good year for me, and fearing that it wont