Sobriety

I’m a few days away from my first, in a long time, month alcohol-free. I found myself not drinking but keeping a lot of bad habits, negative thoughts, wasting waking time…, so this is hopefully the end of that.

I hope to be able to write and reflect on some things that have happened and how they made me feel that I haven’t yet been able to share .

To my trust worthy followers, I will hopefully be posting content again although I am living in a tiny shepherds hut without internet, I thank you for your support and hope to ignite in you feelings that may feel lost as I find them myself again.

gone

Im gone again
Feel nothing like I have
I can’t help but say I’m happy
But what else could I be feeling right now I’m gone
Now I’m home
Again

Sat

I’m sat here after months of worrying about not being able to log in

Twat

I had all the details in my iPad

Just never enough initiative to look

I’m back

A world so full of opinions

I forget what we are when we are holding hands
I forget the judgements that we can bring to ourselves
I forget that some people think this love is wrong

A world so full of opinions
But I only care about my own
Because no one else can feel this
But I hope they can see it

But I forget that some can’t look past what we are 
And it scares me that there may be people who never will

Waiting

I find myself waiting
Waiting for you to become

Less exciting
Less enticing 
Less uplifting
Less funny
Less beautiful

Less of all the things you make me feel
And I’m really scared that you won’t

And fuck will it hurt when I do

Anything

Bring me flowers
To give life to what’s living
It’s not a promise
It’s just a little thing

One flower

Bring one flower
A rose, a daisy, a leaf

Bring something
Bring anything

Just to show me that you care
Or just come, please
I want you to be there
Or don’t

But just send me a message
Just saying goodnight

I don’t want to lose you
And I’m scared that I might

I forget…

Like a flower…
You remind me of..
The moon shines brighter when…

When I’m with you I…

I forget

Forget what I was doing
Forget what I was working for
Forget why I was even working in the first place

I forget about a lot of things

But when I am without you…
I don’t

It’s a shame I couldn’t see its light on your face

Will we always see
the same sky
at night?

If we’re far away
could it change?
It might

But I’m glad 
that we saw
the same moon 
tonight

Wasn’t it beautiful!
Half round, so very bright

Wasn’t it lovely

To be sharing the same sight

Nothing

Nothing feels right
without you

Without you in sight
nothing feels right

Nothing makes me laugh
Nothing makes me cry
Nothing makes me remember
When you were by my side

Everything is nothing when I’m alone
Yet nothing can be everything when I get home

Don’t write

I tell myself not to write
Because I five too deep
But then, I fall
Into a world to easy to keep

Of tinder dates that fall in love or to never been seen again
Of short 6 second videos that teach me nothing or bring up pain

I tell myself not the start writing because I’ll be depressed again.

But how bad can life be
Sat here listening to quiet tv
And chatter
In one room and quiet resource
Evelyn Stein in this room
Quiet 

With the sound of rain falling into the deck
And the song has now changed 

to the Hymn of the sea by James Korner

And now I feel like although I don’t believe in god,
maybe a Spotify one exists.

He knows who I am better than you do
She knows what I need more that you do
They know more about me than you could ever do.

Because I am nothing but my habits,
I am nothing but my thoughts and my soul,
I am nothing but todays playlist,
I am nothing but todays goal.