I know I can’t but I’ll try

I’m sorry for saying I was okay 

I’m sorry for wiping off my tears 

And brushing it all away 

I’m sorry for not warning you 

Of all that I was 

 and all I could do 

See, I’m a fucking monster 

Made out of hate and lies 

From the pile of regret 

And constant despise  

of myself 

But for me there was no cure 

Just things to hold it off 

But I never felt secure 

See the pills took away my hunger 

And deprived me of my sleep 

I guess I wasn’t suicidal 

Because tired and hungry was all I could be 

They took my passions away

They told me it would only make it worse 

But paintings of people in pain 

Made my pain feel less like a curse  

So I’ve come to the conclusion 

That I’ll never be okay 

Ill just have to get through the years 

Day by day 

And I know I cant do it 

But trust me ill try 

To stay alive

Taylor

This is an old poem, 2-3 years ago. I don’t agree with this mindset anymore but at that time I had a bad experience with antidepressants, and people judged my artwork, for being black and white and scary. I was filled with this self-hatred, which made me judge others who were enjoying their time. Its a very personal poem, that I could rant about each little meaning, but I’ll leave that for another day. 🙂

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Dear 2020

Dear 2020, please by kind

I don’t want to get left behind

again.

I’m scared of falling all the way back down,

Ive climbed so far up,

but I’m loosing my grasp.

The rock between my fingers is crumbling fast.

And I’m scared

of ending up tangled in vines,

tubes running into my skin.

I’m scared of going,

where I’ve already been.

Taylor

I think its quite easy to understand what this means, as its just me wishing that 2020 will be a good year for me, and fearing that it wont