Keep on telling myself

You love to hard

Not hard enough

No one will like you

You act too tough

Open your doors

But only a crack

If not they will swing

All the way back

And no ones ready for your demons

No ones ready for the truth

So just smile and tell a lie

There’s too many people to lose

Not ready to say goodbye

Taylor

Suicide hotline

What do you think is going to happen

To everyone who calls and is left waiting for 5-10-20 minutes

Who feel like even a hotline is not even there to help

Who have pushed themselves to dial

But can’t push themselves to wait

I needed you, and not even you could take the weight

Taylor Hopewell

You can’t ask a broken person

To believe your words with no actions

With contrary reactions

With promises unkept

You can’t ask me to believe that you love me

When what I want is just hug me

All I need is a friend

I can’t feel loved if you leave me

I can’t feel loved if you don’t care

I want to feel like you need me

But you only try to get me out your hair

Taylor Hopewell

Repeating

I’m telling myself don’t do it

You’re worth it in this world

But I never feel like I’m included

I just feel like an extra girl

I don’t want to be lying

On my sheets stained in my blood

But that pain is oh so tempting

Get me away from these feelings

They are always so absurd

And I know people would be broken

Would be wondering what they didn’t do

But fuck is it difficult when I wish I was more like you

And I don’t want to live

Because Ill never be happy enough to

I wish

I wish I wasn’t scared of walking alone

In the dark, trying to get home

I wish I could say we are in a better world

But every time a drunk man walks by

I try to act really bold

And really strong and really angry

Like there’s nothing that could stop me

But he could, and he has, and I will always fear that this time will be like the last

The world won’t change no matter the year

Orange juice

I want to live off orange juice

People say it makes you happy

Why doesn’t it work as I’m guzzling it down in a way too big for me tshirt

With tears pouring down my face I hold my hand against my mouth so no one can hear how much I hurt

I just want to be happy, but it’s never enough, I’m not tough, I’m feeling rough, rougher then before

With a closed door and happy noises on the other side

Just let me in, let me be there, just one time

Lifeless

I wasn’t ready for you

Like a bird that can’t yet fly

How could I teach you to

Lifeless

Drained of all my strength

Drained of life

Lifeless

Is how I was left

But I’m back

And I’m teaching myself how to fly

So one day you will too

And I’ll be soaring through the skies

Before I ever get to meet you

Because I need to go through the worst

To teach you to navigate a storm

And feel the best

So that you can always feel my warmth

But today was not the time

As I have yet to build a nest

But one day I hope I will feel your life against my chest

Taylor Hopewell